I copied this from an email I received today. I hope you all like it as I did.
Donuts for Mother's Day
Ah the life of the mother of a child with autism. Or, make that plural in my case – children. We endure more than our share of heartache and hurt throughout the course of a year, more than anyone with an armor of steel could bear. We’re the warriors of autism. The advocates. The few, the proud. Well, wait a minute. We’re not so “few” anymore. We are many, many strong. Strong being the operative word.
I’m not the melancholy, sappy kind, but this Mother’s Day, I’m reflecting on mothers of children with autism. I keep seeing advertis! ements on television for mother’s day – but they don’t seem to apply to me. We don’t seem to have that irritatingly happy family with 2.5 children, a dog and a smile plastered on everyone’s face. I don’t want a diamond necklace, a dinner out on the town, or the latest and greatest kitchen gadget gleaming on my kitchen counter top. I want a day free of meltdowns, tantrums, and scripting.
I’m sure most of you moms out there probably dream of the same thing. Infrequently we have those great days where our children behave, show progress or some type of connection with us, and those are the days we want to bottle and save forever in our memories.
That’s why moms of children with autism are so special. We rarely think of ourselves because we don’t have time. We’re too busy trying to help our children whether it’s fighting with a school district! , trying to detoxify them, teaching them a new concept, or just trying to get through the day. We’re an amazing group of people.
We advocate and fight for our children every day to try to give them a better life. We don’t do it for ourselves – we do it for them.
While a perfect mother’s day to a mom of neurotypical peers might looks a lot different than mine, like that irritating commercial on television, the perfect mother’s day gift to me would be staying at home with my children and my husband – my family – and having a fun-filled day in our own way. I plan to let them stim, play on the computer, jump on the trampoline until they throw up – let them be happy.
Happy is a relative term. Happy to you might mean a completely different thing than happy would be to me. And the same is true of a child or individual with autism. While we might be happy lounging by a pool all afternoon, having a margarita with friends or simply sittin! g on the couch watching a favorite movie – “happy” to an individual with autism might be watching water pour out of a faucet, watching a ceiling fan, or lining up pencils from end to end. Remember, it’s in the eye of the beholder.
We often don’t get what makes us happy. We’re moms of children with autism. Our lives revolve around them, helping them understand this strange world we live in, and how to best cope with it. It’s not about us anymore. It’s about them. As far as moms go, we’re above and beyond. We’re unselfish, loving and giving of ourselves to an incredible degree that moms of neurotypical children would probably never understand.
So today, I won’t concentrate (or I’ll try anyway) on the neighbor’s kids who won’t let my children play, the rude stares or the looks from above that icily state “can’t yo! u control your kid?”
In the words of my own Mother, a pretty tough cookie in her own right, I give you her favorite saying for Mother's Day:
“As you ramble on through life my friend, whatever be your goal, keep your eye upon the donut, and not upon the hole.”
Happy mother’s day to all of us, who know what's missing in that donut, but we keep on trucking anyway.
Cindy Waeltermann
Director, AutismLink
Thanks for a great post, and...
HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!!!
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